Achieving Balance in the Age of Anxiety

In 1948, W.H. Auden wrote a poem called “The Age of Anxiety”. It is long and pretty dull. I bring it up here because, despite (I’m assuming) a very small number of people ever having read the poem, the title lives on. In fact, the title feels more relevant with every passing year.

When considering a blog for this Sage month, the topic of anxiety felt right – not because only people who connect with the Sage archetype feel anxiety, but because the Sage’s particular anxiety is so potent in our world today.

Why are we so anxious these days?

A lot of people who are smarter than me have answered this question by pointing to a rapid growth in technology, and the simultaneous pressure on everyday people to thrive and perform with the precision and flawlessness of a robot across all areas of life.

Add to that the fact that we live in a world where “knowledge” and “truth” come in the form of rabbit holes in the internet. If you dive too deep, you can come away feeling truly crap about the future of humanity in whatever flavour you choose.

No wonder we’re anxious. Success is a carrot on a stick. As kids we aim for top grades, fluency in a second language, to be competitive in a sport, to be tech-savvy but not addicted to videogames, to be musical and artistic (but not seek a career in music or art), and have a 10-year plan. By the time we’re in university, we need to be pragmatic, responsible, goal-oriented, and ideally have a job lined up before we walk the stage.

As adults, we go on to win competitive jobs where we are expected to perform without enough training or experience, get thrown in the deep end, come in early, stay late, and say yes to everything until we’re a heap of our former selves, slumped over in our cubicles while the emails keep pouring in.

The thing is, while all of these expectations feel like they’re coming from out there, they equally fester and grow inside your own mind.

In other words, this fear and anxiety, while impossible to escape completely in the world, are not impossible to address inside ourselves. We are often taught to respond to anxiety with outward action – to try and be aware of all the possible pits and traps and never, ever make a mistake or grow tired.

What if we responded instead with inward awareness that translates to thoughtful responses?

On a mass scale, we can see people pushing back against outside pressure. Look no further than the Mass Resignation to find multitudes of competent, bright, energetic people saying no more to impossible and discouraging working conditions. Look to China, where tang ping (or “lying flat”) has become a social protest movement and lifestyle that flies in the face of China’s notorious workplaces where overwork proliferates.

In last month’s blog, I introduced the concept of “locus of control”, which is one that has been life-changing for me in many unexpected ways. I want to resurrect it here as well, as a lens that helps us reclaim personal power and simultaneously ride the waves of undeniable chaos – to create firmer footing for ourselves in the Age of Anxiety.

Anxiety & The Sage Archetype

There is a trend in people with a strong Sage component in their personality: They are the most likely to ace a test, get a promotion, be respected and revered as experts, and gain wisdom like an aging fine wine – and yet, they are also the most likely to have a panic attack in the face of that exam, blow expectations out of proportion, and feel they are doomed to failure, if they do not suspect they are already failing. These days, if we want to succeed, I think most of us fall into this trap.

What is your locus of control?

The idea of locus of control is that as we go through life, experiencing both hardship and good times, we tend to carry one of two perspectives: An external locus of control, or an internal locus of control.

When you have an overly strong external locus of control, it means that you are more likely to pass off responsibility for something that goes wrong. If someone with a high external locus of control enters a game of skill and wins, they might be quick to believe there was no world in which they lost that game, as if destiny chose them. If they lose, they’ll probably shrug and say it wasn’t meant to be, or get angry and say it was rigged, or that it was someone else’s fault they lost. They are not as likely to see the impact of their own actions and decisions as creating the outcome.

When you have an overly strong internal locus of control, it means you are more likely to take all the responsibility for something that goes wrong. If someone with a high internal locus of control wins a game of skill, they see how their intelligence and actions made that happen, and if they lose, they blame themselves fully, even if it’s not entirely their fault. They often believe that they could have affected and changed every outcome and have high expectations for themselves and others.

A Balm for Anxiety: A Healthy Locus of Control

Maintaining a healthy internal locus of control means claiming power for everything inside your domain. You might not be able to control disagreeable politicians, climate legislation, your child, other people’s opinions, expectations placed on you by work, how difficult your exam is, or the lottery. You can’t even control the outcome in a game of skill, because it depends on who shows up to play against you.

In fact, all you can control is the state in which you approach these things. Using your internal locus of control means exercising your superpower – of competence, wisdom, and intelligence. You have awareness, and so you have the power to influence outcomes for yourself. If you mess up, you can take healthy responsibility for your part of it, resist placing blame on everything and everyone else, release the event, and move forward by learning from it and planning for the future.

Here is an example of an anxiety-inducing workplace event and reactions that reflect an internal locus of control (“I have ultimate control and ultimate responsibility”), an external locus of control (“I have no control and ultimately noresponsibility”), and a balanced locus of control.

Your boss asks you to take on a project that you don’t have time, energy, or the capability to do well.

Internal Locus: I must find a way to complete this project, or I’ll fail my team and my company. Saying no is not an option! If I do that, I’ll be replaced. People will lose respect for me. I won’t get opportunities like this anymore. The success of this project is in my hands, and my future at this company rests on my ability to do it.

External Locus: Can’t they see how much I’m already doing? I’m sure my boss is incompetent, which is why he’s not taking this on. I’m being put in a lose-lose position. Clearly, my company doesn’t care about me at all. The fact that I now have to overwork is someone else’s fault, but there’s nothing I can do about it.

Balanced Locus: I cannot feasibly do this project to the level of quality my boss is expecting. Given this, I will explain to him that in order to succeed, I will either need to transfer my other projects to team members, get an extended deadline for this one, or receive more resources and people to support this project – otherwise, the result won’t be satisfying for anyone. I need to ask him to prioritize, and this is entirely reasonable. He will respect my honesty and competency, because I’m a good employee.

Notice that the balanced locus of control offers a way out of what feels inevitable.

A final way of considering locus of control is a bird sitting on a branch. 

If the bird has a high internal locus of control, he is hyper-aware that every branch he lands on may break. He wouldn’t be wrong in its fear – branches do break all the time. This bird lives in a chronic state of anxiety, all of his little muscles tense, waiting for the moment when his foundation crumbles below him and it’s his time to act.

If the bird has a high external locus of control, he is equally hyper-aware that every branch he lands on may break. But in this case, he has chosen to succumb to his inevitable destiny: One day, he thinks to himself, a branch will break from under me. There is nothing I can do. With this in mind, he lands on all branches in a state of despair.

The bird with a balanced locus of control is also aware that branches can break at any moment, but he isn’t anxious about it. This bird realizes that he doesn’t have to wait for the tides of destiny, nor does he have to live in a state of constant vigilance. All he has to do is trust that if a branch should ever break, he will simply fly away.

 

Exercise: No one’s locus of control is perfectly balanced at all times. Consider an aspect of your life that you are anxious about, or feel powerless over.

 If you are anxious:

1. What are you trying to control that you do not have control over? (This can be other people, outcomes with a lot of factors at play, or events). Note: Wishing that you could control something is still seeking control over that thing.
2. What do you truly have control over in this situation, and how can you take action or release the need to take action from that place?

 If you are in despair or feel apathetic:

1. What do you feel you have no control over whatsoever? What have you completely given up on?
2. With that in mind, what are some ways you do have control in this situation (remember, you always have control over your domain – your responses to the situation, and your response to your instinctive thoughts and emotions that are triggered by the situation). How could you perceive this from an empowered perspective?

The Sage archetype is the part of us that is able to see and act beyond our instinctive, emotional reactions. Too much Sage, and we forget to honour our emotional truth – however, too little Sage and we lose balance in our locus of control.

The Sage in you reminds you that it’s worth taking a break from all the doing and assessing what you do and do not have control over. This will allow you to find solutions that weren’t apparent or seemed impossible before. We hope this article will help you navigate the events, people, and circumstances that have been causing you anxiety. Perspective is power.